True Privilege

 This book review and essay have been substituted for this module, as Henderson’s book sparked my writing about evil.

When a vivid, long-buried memory emerges from the depths while reading a book, you know that you're holding something worth exploring.  My memory was vividly piqued as I read and reviewed Robert Henderson’s masterful book Troubled. In it, Henderson describes how elites will profess one value and then turn around and, in a short space of time from the profession, exhibit a set of behaviors that would only be possible on an opposed set of values to the ones they had been professing.  He called this phenomenon “Luxury Beliefs." What a fantastic term! No wonder it has gone viral and entered popular culture so widely.  

Such “luxury” beliefs come in a wide array of shapes and forms: unearned privilege, defunding the police, drug legalization, body positivity, a critique of hard work and diligence, and having loose sexual mores. When trying to sort and analyze realities as vast and varied as the set of luxury beliefs, one must make distinctions. Let’s distinguish two groups: Those who profess the above luxury beliefs and do the exact opposite; let’s call them group one. 

And then there are those who uncritically swallow the luxury belief and act them out, our group two.  

Our distinction will require us to exclude people of good faith who are working to rectify injustice and to engage the issues critically, as well as the vast number of people who quietly disagree with the full orthodoxy of these beliefs and continue to strive and move forward with their lives. Like any chosen terminology, Henderson’s word choices may leave room for disagreement, meaningful debate, and more careful precision. However that may be, to my mind, the dark roots of what lies behind the terms and words are a set of much more profound, darker, primal human drives. This is where Henderson’s analysis derives its depth and magnetic force for me, sparking as it did a potent, relevant memory.

The scene of my own vivid recollections begins on a typical early morning in New Canaan, CT, on a school day in the stately house where I grew up.  Firstly, from the floor below, all I can hear of my mom's voice is its concerned tone and its insistence. It is followed by my brother letting out a high-keening wail, easier to hear than my mom’s initial driven but worried words. “I studied all day yesterday and the day before! You didn't let me watch a second of TV all week, and all I got on the test was a C!! Todd got an A, and he only flipped through the pages!” 

Like any younger brother, I moved closer to the stairs to see what was going on and hear the exchange more fully. My brother’s voice was now choking and cracking; was he crying?  Had my father been around, the event would have ended differently. He was a CEO working in New York City at the time and had long since departed the house on an early train for work. This left my mom, with her Mid-Western, Wisconsin-bred emotional intelligence, squarely in charge. “That’s complete nonsense!  Todd studied his butt off all this week for that test, and don’t let him tell you any different!” 

From my perch, I had gathered that the day before (at the exclusive, expensive, and prestigious New Canaan Country School we all attended), my brother was approached by his “‘friend” Todd shortly after the test results were handed out.  Todd, sensing my brother's emotional state, slithered over to him and asked him how he did.  Upon learning that my brother got a C, Todd showed him his A. But Todd went further, he casually let slip that he “just flipped through the pages” the night before.  

Blessedly, my mother was most definitely not from New Canaan, CT. As an outsider, she had had ample experience of what our new town's exclusive “waspy” culture would have in store for interlopers from beyond the pale.  My memory ends with my brother standing red-faced and frozen by the table, a half-eaten breakfast strewn around, his chest heaving as he attempted to process our wise mother’s words.

Why did Todd lie? Why wasn’t it enough for him to excel on that test? Why wasn't the apparent and superior spread between his A and my brother's C sufficient for him?  Why did he have to try to diminish, to invalidate, and to humiliate my brother?

One might defend Todd’s behavior and compare his actions to those of other adversarial players in other competitive undertakings, like sports. In team sports, we all appreciate that one’s opponent does not just want to score, but they also want to prevent you from scoring. In billiards, even if you do not have a clear path to put your ball in the pocket, the smart player positions the ball to end up in a place where the opponent will not have a clear shot either.  You could also point out trick plays in football where there is a pretend kick, fake-outs on the end run, and other such obstructionist actions in a game between competitors.1

The big difference lies in Todd’s apparently malevolent deception. It wasn't enough to win. He wanted my brother to lose. But my brother’s substantially lower grade wasn't enough. Todd wanted to see my brother crushed, demoralized, and humiliated while maintaining a helpful friend's posture. How might we use some existing psychological frameworks to explain this behavior?

We could use the duly famous “Cluster B” framework 2 of anti-social, histrionic, borderline, and narcissistic patterns with their antagonisms, disagreeableness, and aggrandizements to understand the behavior. However, these patterns may not be as good a fit as much of this disruptive behavior is easily identifiable and quickly shorts itself out. If Todd’s behavior could be understood in the framework of “Cluster B” behaviors, he most likely would have been dysregulated and erratic. He would have been detected a mile away as an antagonizer to be avoided.  Also, dysregulated people can have trouble focusing, so he might not have gotten that A.  And even if he did, he would be far more likely to be haranguing the teacher as to why he didn't get an A+ after class instead of searching for a victim to undermine.  No! The smooth, controlled aspect to Todd’s approach to my brother lies outside of “Cluster B”.

So we might look at the 4 “Dark Tetrad” traits: Machiavellism, psychopathy, narcissism, and sadism.3 Now we sense we are a little closer.  Todd was displaying classic Machiavellism; if things were graded on a curve, to dispense and demoralize my brother would make one less pesky competitor in the class. Psychopathy would explain the callous disregard for my brother’s feelings, but people with psychopathy discard and ignore people after they get what they want, so that's not quite it.  Narcissism might be a good fit, as it does involve a certain aggrandizement, but the first stages of a narcissistic relationship involve love bombing and other sorts of grooming that ultimately aim at earning undeserved praise and attention. Todd’’s comments left my brother disaffected and in no mood to be a fan of anyone.  How about sadism?  That might be a good fit since Todd might well have experienced a type of pleasure in causing my brother’s distress. 

So we could say that Todd was a young, budding Machiavellian sadist who scanned the classroom while the teacher handed out test results to find a target. Quickly reading my brother’s face, Todd slid up and casually (devastatingly) dismantled his self-confidence, thus clearing the field of potential rivals for his own academic achievement on the class grading curve. He probably did this quickly, quietly, and without my brother even realizing what he was doing.

To keep things in context, these behaviors were observed in early life. With any behavior issue with younger kids, it’s a well-known question to ask: “Is this just a stage?” 4  Similarly, diagnostic criteria exclude certain types of behavior from younger patients, such as behavior in middle school and antagonisms between siblings.5

Yet my own direct experience of deception and what I want to call a “dark malevolence” still holds and evokes long-forgotten memories from 40 years ago.  Let’s apply Robert Henderson’s luxury beliefs matrix to our insights so far. It might be worthwhile to note that Yale is less than an hour's drive down the highway from The New Canaan Country School. Yale forms much of the background of Robert’s book, and New Canaan Country School shares much of its cultural heritage.

What part of luxury beliefs, such as what Robert encountered at Yale, has this dark tetrad aspect to it? I think that they all do, and maybe even that label is insufficient. Perhaps luxury beliefs are not a reflection of cluster B personality disorders, but maybe they lie even outside the dark tetrad group as well.

Maybe some of the elite know perfectly well how toxic their “luxury” beliefs are and, like our friend Todd, are perfectly happy to inflict them on others.  And if this is so, perhaps there is a darker term to explain what is going on that extends beyond the language of psychology. 

So, let’s compare and contrast two simplified profiles of the outcomes we could reasonably expect to see if a typical college undergraduate believed, acted out, and was exposed to the results of luxury beliefs. These, as mentioned above, are unearned privilege, defunding the Police, drug Legalization, body positivity, hard work and diligence, and complete sexual freedom.  

In the first profile, you would have a person demoralized that their accomplishments were not authentic and earned; after all, everything they had was due to unearned privilege.  They would be exposed to greater crime, harassment, and violence on the streets because the stretched-thin and now defunded police would be responding to only the most serious of crimes in their neighborhood.  Because taking drugs would be understood as a glamorous and cool way to have fun, a person in this profile would be in danger of addiction and overdose as well as being seriously overweight and not exercising; after all, all bodies are beautiful, and to say otherwise is to engage in fat shaming.  Because hard work and effort did not matter, they would be slacking off on their responsibilities, including work, their studies, and applying to jobs and internships.  Marriage and restrictive sexual mores are mere suggestions, so there would be lots of starting and ending multiple romantic relationships with the resulting emotional turmoil and distraction. In short, you would have a demoralized, scared, addicted, fat, lazy slob bouncing from one failed relationship to the next. It’s a profile of the lifestyles of an increasing number of Americans today and many of the characters in Robert’s book.

How could we quickly summarize a profile of the opposite's actions, attitudes, and results? Unencumbered by doubt about the advantages of vigorous exercise and proper diet, this person would be fit, athletic, and in excellent physical and mental health.   Having always known that diligence and hard work were key to success, we would find them working hard to score high marks and position themselves to best apply to jobs, internships, and fellowships.  That, coupled with elite connections, family wealth, and scholastic aptitude, would land them an exclusive position tucked in a secure residential neighborhood. The future would be bright as they faced life with a faithful, romantic partner looking forward to raising kids within an extended clan of married and stable kin. It’s a profile of so many of today’s educated, credentialed elite that Robert encountered at Yale. 

If these two profiles were ever to compete head-to-head over the rapidly diminishing supply of elite internships, post-doc programs, and job offers after college, it wouldn't even be a close call for who would win. What we are peering at is not just a profound difference between the elites' professed “luxury beliefs” and their actions but something darker.  If uncritically followed, these beliefs produce harm, suffering, and distress in their adherents.  They produce a dismal, depressed, dead-end life for those who follow them.  If a significant fraction of elites promoting them both know full well their effects, yet promote these views and then proceed to engage in the opposite behavior, we are faced with a deceptive, intentional, malevolent desire to inflict pain and suffering on people to ensure competitive advantage while maintaining a moral posture of compassion, acceptance, and understanding.  We then reach for such terms as sadism and Machiavellism and maybe even descend deeper, lower into a religious language that ascribes such a mindset as evil. 

I am struck by the powerful memories that Robert Henderson’s book triggered in me, not least of all the vivid memory of the quick and sharp tone of my mom’s retort upon hearing of my brother's plight that long ago morning.  My mom most likely had long experience with the social pits and snares in her aspiration to climb into the New Canaan Country Club ranks. She instantly identified Todd’s toxic message and plucked it out of my brother, so to speak, before it did any lasting damage.

Many people dream of financial success, moving to an exclusive neighborhood, and perhaps enrolling their kids in an elite private school.  I wonder if they fully understand what awaits them.6 If Eric Bonhoeffer is correct when he states that “the intensity of discontent seems to be in inverse proportion to the distance from the object fervently desired.”7 Putting your kids in with a bunch of elite aspirants at an exclusive private school may not just expose them to increased academic competition, but also to the toxicity emergent from the darkest parts of our shared human nature. 

My memory ends with my brother struck and silent as he processed my mom’s words. What stung my brother wasn't so much hearing Todd’s lie as the fact that he swallowed it whole. So, the lesson here is to always think critically about what someone professes to believe, look carefully at their behaviors before swallowing them, and help your loved ones do the same. 

My family no doubt enjoyed what today’s culture would label as “privilege,” but there is a deeper meaning to this notion.  Perhaps being privileged today is having friends, mentors, and parents who can help filter and refine the toxic brew of beliefs proffered to us on either side of today’s polarized cultural landscape. I am profoundly grateful for a book such as Robert Henderson’s Troubled, which reminds me of the privilege of having grown up with these loving and caring figures in my life. 

1.     Trick plays have always always been a part of football.  Here is a link to an article by one of the masters - Bill Belichick. In addition to his affinity for trick plays, other controversies, such as accusations of cheating, have surrounded this coach. https://patriotswire.usatoday.com/2021/10/28/josh-mcdaniels-explains-his-philosophy-on-when-to-use-a-trick-play/

2.     Psychology Today has a good summary of cluster B basic definitions and diagnostic criteria.  Most of these conditions involve dysregulated and disruptive behaviors, making them easy to identify and defend against. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/cluster-b

3.     Dark Tetrad basic definitions and diagnostic criteria https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/dark-tetrad

4.     Children and Mental Health: Is This Just a Stage? https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/children-and-mental-health

5.     Sibling relationships can be excluded from a diagnosis. For instance, as part of the diagnosis of oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), the behaviors must occur with at least one individual who is not the person's sibling. https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/disruptive-impulse-control-and-conduct-disorders/what-are-disruptive-impulse-control-and-conduct

6.     Private schools can vary greatly in their cultures.  Some, most notably Quaker, Montessori, and Waldorf schools, put character education, kindness, and empathy over academic achievement.  Parochial schools also tend to place religious education before academic success.

7.     I pulled this quote from Robert Henderson’s email referring to his review of Eric Hoffer’s book The True Believer: Thoughts on the Nature of Mass Movements https://www.thefp.com/p/the-prophets-eric-hoffer-rob-henderson